Reality Check(s)

1. I’m a baby girl
I knew it…Last April Fools, I just got my NSO authenticated birth certificate & try to guess what’s my name on the docs? Baby Girl. Evidently, my older bro’s was named Baby Boy as well, what else? He got the certificate months before me. We used to tease him in the house for having such registered name. Just to realize, we’ve the same fate. Thanks to Raquel that there’s no need for me to go all the way to Baguio just to fix these things up. Just have to mail an affidavit of supplemental data along with proof that I was named ‘Piluchi’ the day I was baptized.

2. God is within you
I’ve finally seen Jho after 2 yrs. this time w/ Joe, her Australian bf. A business magnate, a music teacher & a fascinating, amazing 50 year-old guy. I was moved with his adage: Have we seen God? Is he a Filipino, an American, a Chinese? And I answered back, I dont know. He replied, you dont know because God is within you. Do the thing that pleasures you if thats what makes you happy. And if you do something bad, it eats you & punishes you from within. If you’re happy within the last 2 hours of your life, then good thing. Because, tomorrow, if you look back, you’ll said, I was happy yesterday for 2 hours bec I spent it with friends & with the people who loves me. Stay with unhappy people & you’ll feel sad. Go with happy people & you’ll feel pleasant.

3. Count your blessings
Mommy Nancy always remind me that I’m so blessed. Perhaps I tend to overlooked it, but as I go along, I realized, yeah, am so blessed. Career-wise. There’s my family who’ve been there for me. And I’ve got few friends that I dont have to pretend with. And of course, countless friends & my team that has served a swings beneath my wings.

Choice vs Destiny

A subject that seems to come up regularly in our lives but often we’re asking, ‘is there such thing as destiny?’

‘Coz if there is, I probably missed mine….

Does choice means ‘the direction that if carefully followed will bring us greatest happiness.’

But how if it’ll caused you hapiness but will caused hurt to others?

Would you still pursue it? Would you follow your path?

At one point in my life, I thought I found my destiny but I was goofed off with all the outcries in my head.

Later, when things got dummied up, I realized my mistake but then ‘twas late…too much late.

Of course, I could be wrong bout that.

Maybe, I never found my destiny or maybe it’s still out there waiting to be found.

Although I have to say if that’s the case it’s certainly done a good job of hiding.

We believed there’s destiny. And that one can attain through choices or maybe chance occurences.

Destiny is something to which a person or thing is destined.

Destiny implies that there is some Power which decrees or determines the course of events beforehand. In this view there is no chance or choice left.

Some maintain that destiny is ultimately what you arrive at in your life.

And for those who believe in destiny, fate is the principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to as they are or events to happen as they do.

Fate and destiny are therefore related causally; therefore one who believes in destiny has to believe in fate.

In destiny there is nothing random, there is no chance, nor there is any choice because, by definition, it is all preordained.

Destiny is not a matter of choice and chance but it is a matter of faith.

Strictly speaking, the words ‘choice’, chance and ‘destiny’ are antipodes of each other.

It is not destiny but choice and chance that determine the course and achievements of life.

While choice, or free will, needs availability of alternatives for any thought, and/ or action from which one can choose.

The question about choice is, if you rewind time and played it over would things happen the same way?

So the next time you do something or make a choice ask yourself could it have been any other way.

“Destiny is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. However as a concession I would say that, ‘what we meet in life is destiny; and how we meet it is our choice!

De-Cluttered

I’ve attended Lyka’s 7th birthday (my friend’s daughter) last night @ at a place so far from mine’s. But heck, who cares? I still have an inner child with me. I still enjoy watching kids running to & fro, eating their chocolates or ice creams (which’s somehow good for the soul). How I wish I’d never grown.

A fellow visitor surprisingly asked me (of all questions, huh!) "How is your heart, my dear?" I was a bit stunned…

Aired with confidence, I answered her, "fine & de-cluttered…"

Finally, I had the courage to dump all those "stuff" accumulated through the years. The frustrations, annoyances, fears, anger, apathy, compromises (name it..I have it…) piled up inside me. Sadly, I tolerated it for quite some time.

Apparently, so much had happened in the past:

I’ve known death and birth;

I’ve been brave and scared;

I’ve hurt, I’ve helped;

I’ve been honest, I’ve lied;

I’ve destroyed, I’ve created;

I’ve been with people, I’ve been lonely;

I’ve been loyal, I’ve betrayed;

I’ve decided, I’ve waffled;

I’ve laughed and I’ve cried.

Gone were my frail heart & my frayed history-

And now, another day begins…

Don't Let Your Baloon Pop!

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s okay to be "not fine."

When people ask me how I’m doing lately, I don’t rattle off a list of complaints and observations, sad feelings and grievances - as a matter of fact, I just might say, "I’m okay."

However, I admit that within myself things are NOT fine and try to work through the feelings that creates.

I don’t need to share with others all of the time.

It’s good to vent to a friend and I don’t discount that.

But, I’ve learned that I’d better vent with myself and acknowledge my feelings or I, like a balloon with too much air, will POP.

Embrace the good and the not so good in your life.

Don’t run from it or try to bury it.

By doing this; by saying to myself that I am NOT fine right now, I can work through my feelings more easily.

How do I do it?

It’s taken me a while to figure it out and I don’t have all the answers.

But, ’self allowance’ is very important.

I’m not advocating DWELLING in your problems.

I’m suggesting that you allow yourself to FEEL.

The world isn’t always sunshine and smiles and if you try to force yourself into that very high, unrealistic expectation, you’ll eventually POP!

I’ve done it, so I know.

You’ve got to let some air out of your balloon.

Give the air to God.

So, I acknowledge and embrace these parts of myself right now.

I allow myself to feel hurt and cry.

I turn to God for help and guidance and I ask for more strength.

There ar times I am not OKAY.

It hurts, and it hurts a lot.

I cannot always be the pillar of strength I have expected myself to be.

I lose it sometimes and I am finally saying to myself that it’s okay to do that.

I ask God to help me.

I need His strength so that I can be strong.

If I don’t, my balloon will pop.

I can’t always ‘be there’ without replenishing my resources.

I don’t have unlimited strength.

I need time alone to embrace myself and my needs.

I have to re-charge my batteries so that I CAN be there for others.

I cannot do it alone.

I am not meant to be the ‘Energizer Bunny’ because I am human.

I won’t settle for that anymore.

I can’t save the world, but I can do my part.

"Help carry one another’s burdens, and in this way you will obey the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2 GNB) }

That’s letting air out of my balloon, too.

I’ve learned that when life gets too heavy, it doesn’t mean you’re WEAK if you admit it.

It took a long time for me to get there.

Tears don’t equate to weakness.

They are God’s way of allowing you to cleanse your soul.

I always had this crazy idea that if you can’t handle things, you’re weak.

That’s bologna.

That’s what God is for.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you." (1 Peter 5:7 NLT) }

So, let air out of your balloon.

Cry if you have to.

Help if you feel it’s needed but are afraid of doing it.

Voice a complaint if you have one.

Allow yourself to ‘be’.

Let yourself know that you need to recharge once in a while and accept the fact that it’s okay to let the injustices you see bother you.

More importantly, do something about them if you can.

Accept that you get tired and need to nurture yourself, too.

If you’re running around caring for others, know that it’s draining and that there’s only so much you can take before your balloon starts to fill too much.

Don’t punish yourself for needing rest.

REST.

Let go of the guilt.

Guilt fills balloons very quickly.

If a balloon has the right amount of air in it, it’s beautiful, light, floating, colorful and vibrant.

Just like you…

~~ Author Unknown ~~

The Awakenings

A time comes in your life when you finally get it…
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you
stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside
your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and
crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child
quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin
to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink
back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you
begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is
your awakening.

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting
for something to change or for happiness, safety and
security to come galloping over the next horizon. You
come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming
and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world
there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for
that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after"
must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity
is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that
not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of
who or what you are… and that’s OK. (They are entitled
to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the
importance of loving and championing yourself and in the
process a sense of new found confidence is born of
self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things
they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that
the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or
mean what they say and that not everyone will always be
there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you
learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself
and in the process a sense of safety & security is born
of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to
accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings
and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and
contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much
of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is
as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been
ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through
all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave,
how you should look and how much you should weigh and what
you should wear and where you should shop and what you should
drive how and where you should live and what you should do
for a living who you should sleep, with who you should marry
and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of
having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of
view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are
what you really stand for. You learn the difference between
wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines
and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into
to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your
instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we
receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and
contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely
as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that
principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated
ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together
the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn
that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save
the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn
to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the
importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose
to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love.
How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving
and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs
or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you
will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable
or important because of the man on your arm or the child
that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as
they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop
trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn
that just as people grow and change so it is with love….
and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love
on your terms… just to make you happy. And, you learn that
alone does not mean lonely… And you look in the mirror and
come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5
or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the
image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside,
smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that
feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK….and that it is
your right to want things and to ask for the things that
you want…and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated
with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won’t
settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover
who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch… and in
the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you
begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin
eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more
time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the
spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time
to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels
our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you
believe you deserve… and that much of life truly is a
self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth
achieving is worth working for and that wishing for
something to happen is different than working toward
making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success
you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also
learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to
risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the
great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to
step right into and through your fears because you know that
whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear
is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And
you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it
living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that
life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think
you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to
unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not
to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing
you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life
happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -
the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger,
envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or
they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the
universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you
are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of
the simple things we take for granted, things that millions
of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full
refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long
hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by
yourself and you to make yourself a promise to never betray
yourself and to never ever to settle for less than your
heart’s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your
window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a
point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open
to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in
your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you
take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want
to live as best as you can.

From Dr. Kelvin

she looks like a Water Goddess, her smiles can move a mountain,

she is a personification of beauty.

she has this courage about her that got me hooked about her,

he is the prettiest and sexiest,

she has got this nice sexy looking body and shape that can lead a monk to hell.

i’m really happy to talk to her.

you are a beauty to behold.

i really want you!

Will I Also Meet Five People on My Way to Heaven?

I’ve been hearing so much bout this book.

They say, "It’ll make you cry…"

Well, won’t believe till I found it for myself…

I did cry.

I was so moved when Edward finally met his last and 5^th person in heaven.

Matter of fact, Mark & I planned to purchased it before during my Pixeleyes days.

But super thanks to Maru, coz she’ve sent me this, along with three other equally beautiful novels.

I strongly recommend this for those who often felt that they’re unimportant.

Realize how much you’ve mattered, how much you were loved….

Now, I’ve been askin’ myself…will I also meet five people in heaven?

Indeed, heaven can be found in the most unlikely corners.

We don’t have to die just to see a glimpse of heaven.

According to the book, “There are five people we meet in heaven. Each of them were in our lives for a reason. Each of them has a thing to teach us. We may not have known the reason at the time, and that is what heaven’s for…For understanding our lives on earth.”

“That there are no random acts. That we are all connected. The human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn’t just take someone…it misses someone else. And in the small distance between being taken & being missed, lives are changed.”

“There’s a balance to it all. One withers, another grows. Birth & death are part of a whole. That explains why we’re drawn to babies..and to funerals.”

“People think of heaven as a paradise garden, a place where they can float on clouds and laze in rivers & mountains.”

“This is the greates gift God can give us: to understand what happened in our lives. To have it explained. It is the peace we’ve been searching for.”

“No life is a waste. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.”

“Dying is not the end of everything. We think, it is. But what happens on earth is only the beginning.”

“We wake up the next morning and have a fresh new world to start & work with, but we have something else, too. We have our yesterdays. And that’s what heaven is for. We gotta make sense of our yesterdays.”

“You’ll have peace when you make it with yourself.”

SACRIFICE. “We all make them. But you were angry over yours. You kept thinking about what you lost. Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire. Little ones or big.”

“Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We often think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who’ve harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.”

“Forgive…”

“No one is born with anger. And when we die, the soul is freed of it.”

For those who have been damaged by neglect and violence;

For those who were denied from affection;

For those who have lost their loved ones; hope, career & freedom;

For those who were mistreated;

For those who haven’t experienced tenderness in life;

For those who were agitated, embarrased, whacked, lashed & beaten;

For those who were disappointed, lost & adrift, lonely & desperate;

For those who were shutted out, misunderstood;

For those in pains and in doubts;

For those who were driven by anger & hatred;

This story is for you….

You’ll learn here the value of fair judgment;

Sacrifice;

Loyalty;

Devotion;

Picking yourself up;

Forgiveness;

Surrendering all your barriers;

And the greastest of ‘em all, LOVE!

I assure you, after reading this, the pain & weariness you held inside will vanish…

Every scar, every wound, every bad memory….

Letting Go

I know that the only thing I lose when I let go of something I am afraid to live without is the fear itself. I am stronger than anything that frightens me.

I let go of the past, and I’m free to think clearly and positively in the present. I am not my past.

Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on is an energy that drains and it hurts. Letting go happens effortlessly when there is no other choice. Letting does not mean giving up.

Letting go is a journey that never ends. Never. It only begins — over & over again — each time I can glimpse of something higher than my own painful certainty over who think I am. There is always something higher beyond the limits of my present sight.

Let go of the past. The past is yesterday. It is irretrievable. When you relate to the past, you relate to nothing. You are literally talking to yourself. No one else is listening. You have already heard all you can hear about that, so let go….

Peachy LIkes To...

1. Drive someone crazy.

2. Sleep late & under the blankies in bed at night

3. Cuddle.

4. To type before she thinks.

5. Play hard to get.

6. Take twinkles.

7. Research.

8. Own a TV set that she can fix when it quits working.

9. Take pictures.

10. Travel.

11. Meet new friends.

12. Jump as high as possible.

13. Salty foods.

14. Chocolates, desserts.

15. Perfume, lotion.

16. Furry bags, scented candles.

17. Coffee, good book.

Risk or Reward?

Just because you think you found the right person for you, doesn’t always mean that they feel you are the right person for them.
That’s the challenge and the risk of opening up to someone, allowing yourself to become comfortable, even fall in love.
And then one can ask and question, “I’m here, but you’re not?
Where did you go left & I went right?”
You can’t dial down feelings and we can’t turn back time.
We can hope, even pray, that these intense feelings, desires & passions for that person, will subside if denied.
That the ache in the heart will go away, that it will be filled with some other feeling, other than the love & happiness it once possessed.
And then there’s the fear.
The fear that if you close that door, that you will never allow it be reopened, even for that ‘imperfect’ perfect person, shall they discover that you are the one later in time.
So you say to yourself, “Ok, I know the circumstances,
I know they will never change, no matter how sincere the words.”
So either accept it & be happy now or decide to change it, which would mean changing yourself, how you act, what you feel, what your dreams are, starting over.
Is that a risk or a reward?
No one knows the true definition of love or can one name the many different forms of love.
Each and every one of us, only knows what we feel, what we define love to be.
And the beauty of that…we don’t have to explain it to anyone but the one we love.
You risk everything sometimes to come out with nothing…

Life is Like a Cup of Coffee

Life is like having a cup of coffee.
You sit by the window, lift the cup & take a sip.
Only to realize that somebody forgot to put the sugar.
Too lazy to go for it, you somehow struggle through that sugarless cup.
Until, you discover undissolved sugar crystals sitting at the bottom.
That’s how life is.
We sometimes forget to make an effort to value what is around us.
Look around, maybe the sweetness you are looking for is closer than you think..