The Awakenings

A time comes in your life when you finally get it…
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you
stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside
your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and
crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child
quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin
to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink
back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you
begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is
your awakening.

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting
for something to change or for happiness, safety and
security to come galloping over the next horizon. You
come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming
and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world
there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for
that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after"
must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity
is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that
not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of
who or what you are… and that’s OK. (They are entitled
to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the
importance of loving and championing yourself and in the
process a sense of new found confidence is born of
self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things
they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that
the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or
mean what they say and that not everyone will always be
there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you
learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself
and in the process a sense of safety & security is born
of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to
accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings
and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace and
contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much
of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is
as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been
ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through
all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave,
how you should look and how much you should weigh and what
you should wear and where you should shop and what you should
drive how and where you should live and what you should do
for a living who you should sleep, with who you should marry
and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of
having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of
view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are
what you really stand for. You learn the difference between
wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines
and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into
to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your
instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we
receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and
contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely
as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that
principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated
ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together
the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn
that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save
the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn
to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the
importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose
to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love.
How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving
and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs
or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you
will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable
or important because of the man on your arm or the child
that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as
they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop
trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn
that just as people grow and change so it is with love….
and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love
on your terms… just to make you happy. And, you learn that
alone does not mean lonely… And you look in the mirror and
come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5
or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the
image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside,
smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that
feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK….and that it is
your right to want things and to ask for the things that
you want…and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated
with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won’t
settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover
who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch… and in
the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you
begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin
eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more
time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the
spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time
to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels
our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you
believe you deserve… and that much of life truly is a
self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth
achieving is worth working for and that wishing for
something to happen is different than working toward
making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success
you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also
learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to
risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the
great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to
step right into and through your fears because you know that
whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear
is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And
you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it
living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that
life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think
you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to
unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not
to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing
you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life
happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -
the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger,
envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or
they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the
universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you
are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of
the simple things we take for granted, things that millions
of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full
refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long
hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by
yourself and you to make yourself a promise to never betray
yourself and to never ever to settle for less than your
heart’s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your
window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a
point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open
to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in
your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you
take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want
to live as best as you can.