I Need To be In Love

The hardest thing I’ve ever done is keep believing
There’s someone in this crazy world for me.
The way that people come and go through temporary lives,
My chance could come and I might never know.

I used to say, “No promises, let’s keep it simple”,
But freedom only helps you say goodbye.
It took awhile for me to learn that nothing comes for free.
The price I’ve paid is high enough for me.

CHORUS

I know I need to be in love,
I know I’ve wasted too much time.
I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world,
And fool enough to think that’s what I’ll find.

So here I am with pockets full of good intentions,
But none of them will comfort me tonight.
I’m wide awake at 4 AM without a friend in sight.
Hanging on a hope, but I’m alright.

CHORUS

I’ve always admired & loved this song because I can relate to each & every lines.
But now, I dont need to be in love.
Because I am…
With a guy who’ve a different race, color, religion, beliefs & values than mine.
And not to mention, 22 yrs my senior.
I dont know, for some reasons, I tend to fall with mature & older guys.
Coz I love to be babied…
But in turn, am the one baby-ing them.

Going back, I rarely write bout my lovelife.
Which have been silent for quite awhile.
Until I found this guy.
Actually, its the other way around.
Until he found me.
Met him on a site where my bestfriend met her other half.
He dropped my profile.
In turn, I visited his as well.
He left me a message, that the next time I visit, I say hello.
And so I did.
The next thing we knew, we’ve exchanged numbers & friendly text and messages.

He invited me for a lunch which I courteously declined because I’ve shift that night.
He wanna see me bec he’ll be leaving for Zamboanga for 1 1/2 mos project.
I only appreciated the guy when he left.
He sent me messages every now & then.
We’ve committed w/o even meeting each other.
Exchanged i love you’s & goodbyes in between.
We’re already split-up when we met.
Eventually got back together last month.
For no apparent reason, there’s this powerful force that made us believed & hoped for one more chance together.
He barely have time for me, though.
Which I always complain.
At times, I threw tantrums which he sometimes perfectly understands.
It’s always bout work.
If I could let him choose between work & me, he’ll opt for his career.
Stiff kind of guy, serious bout life, practical & productive.
Maybe that explains his behavior being a retired military.
He won’t let his time passed by w/o doing nothing.
Wont answer my questions & if he will do, he wont go into details.
Don’t say things that will make him reveal how he really feels.
Definitely good at hiding emotions.

But despite our difference, I’ve learned to value, care & love the guy.
In spite of his indifference, he showed me his sincerity & sensitivity.
I could have chosen a fair-skinned one but its him that my heart opted.

I have to thank myself because lately I’ve learned how to soften him up.
He’s more appreciative, now open on how he really feels.
Still hesitant in giving out informations but am getting to know bits & pieces of him as we go along…

He now answers most of my qusetions.
Says he loves, wants & needs me which he finds cheesy at the start.
Sometimes, he will just messaged me out of nowhere that he dont wanna lose me.
And that he misses & cant wait to see me.
That I am worth waiting & keeping.
He’s back in Zambo, this time for a 3-mos project.
So I will see him in Sept.
I don’t know where this would lead us.
Most of my friends still questions his motives & intentions.
Almost cried when Mommy Nancy told me that hope he realizes how valuable I am…
But on my end, hope to stick with him until I can.
I love the guy, and I think that’s far more important.
They would always tease me bout my current status.
I would always respond back jokingly, that I’m taken - not a Liam Neeson movie, huh!
But hopefully not for granted….