Ain't Love A Bitch?
“Kung takot kang masaktan…mas takot akong saktan ka…”
Such a baduy, corny line from a teen flick but that made me re-appraise my relationships.
Past relationships, I mean.
First, I had Wally at 14. He was 19 then & a drug dependent. My bestfriend-protector. We were getting along so well when I’ve found out that he had a long-time girlfriend in the province. And so I gave way. I even met with the girl – Glenda. Whew, such an early heartbreak!
Second, I got Edward. Product of a broken home, a problem child. Palaki ng lola. Never an acquiantance, never a friend. My friends don’t like him for me. Hindi daw kami bagay. Pabaya sa studies, sakit ng ulo. But he’ve proven them wrong coz during our time, he makes an effort to study harder, for me…..
Am tellin’ you, it was an against all odds relationship. My friends even hurted him physically. At yun ang hindi ko na kakayanin. When he transferred to other school, I was the last to know. Sobrang hurting..pero mas mabuti na yun, matatahimik na kami pareho. When I’ve found out that he had to undergo a serious surgical operation, I’ve compromised with Him na kahit hindi na kami magkita basta ma-survive niya ung operation. Luckily he did, but as to this date, we still haven’t seen each other.
Then came Macky. A rich spoiled-brat kiddo. I was the one who taught him the value of hard-work. The value of earning his own money. At first, he’s complaining but I know he’d forever be grateful to me for that. But when he’ve encountered some family problems, he started neglecting me. Sabi niya, he’ll just fix things up & ako yung una niyang pupuntahan. Eventually, naayos. But I haven’t heard of him after.
The longest & first serious relationship I had was 4 years – with Renz. Sa kanya ko naranasan yung feeling na – I wanna take care of him all my life. Sa kanya ko din naranasan how it is to be pampered like a baby – maybe it has to do with our 11-year ge gap.
I’d stopped counting how may times he’ve proposed marriage & how many times I’ve rejected him. Andami ko pang dreams na gustong ipursue – ng single. But as we all knew, good things tend not to lasts…After 4 years of waiting, he asked me for the last time if I’m willing ba to spend our lives na magkasama - being a good daughter that I was – I said no….
Minsan, siya yung gusto kong sisihin for all my failed relationships after him. Lahat ng hinahanap ko dapat naka-pattern sa kanya. His age,intellect, his sense & maturity, his authority over me (matigas kasi ulo ko). Above all, his affection. The way he protects me from all the harshness of the world. Kaya siguro, antagal bago ako naka-recover.
Two years of struggle, I decided to give it a try with Gio. We gotta same age. Good-looking pero immature. Temperamental, moody & demanding. Hindi rin kami nagtagal. It only lasted seven months. He’s trying to reconcile with me, kaya lang I know that once a commitment-phobe will always be a commitment-phobe.
Then, Alvin. Sabi nila, you’d feel if he’s ‘the one’. I felt it with him. It was an instant attraction. Sobra kaming ok, magkasundo kami sa lahat ng bagay except my haircut, huh! Pinagtitiyagaan nyakong ihatid sa QC from his work sa Makati, then, uuwi sa kanila sa Laguna. He’d been very open to me sa mga girls who’ve been involved with him. He is 7 years older than me. We were really happy at the rate things are goin’ until I felt there’s something goin’ wrong. When I confronted him, he would always say – pagod lang dami kasing work, may problema lang sa house. Until I couldn’t take it anymore. I really tried to made him paamin what was goin’ on. To my surprise – he said ‘women….’
Kung ‘woman’ lang, baka kayanin ko pa. But when he said, it was plural, no way!
Sabi niya, babalikan nya’ko, aayusin niya lang – like what Macky have said. He won’t come back to me unless things were settled between his women & me.
Such a baduy, corny line from a teen flick but that made me re-appraise my relationships.
Past relationships, I mean.
First, I had Wally at 14. He was 19 then & a drug dependent. My bestfriend-protector. We were getting along so well when I’ve found out that he had a long-time girlfriend in the province. And so I gave way. I even met with the girl – Glenda. Whew, such an early heartbreak!
Second, I got Edward. Product of a broken home, a problem child. Palaki ng lola. Never an acquiantance, never a friend. My friends don’t like him for me. Hindi daw kami bagay. Pabaya sa studies, sakit ng ulo. But he’ve proven them wrong coz during our time, he makes an effort to study harder, for me…..
Am tellin’ you, it was an against all odds relationship. My friends even hurted him physically. At yun ang hindi ko na kakayanin. When he transferred to other school, I was the last to know. Sobrang hurting..pero mas mabuti na yun, matatahimik na kami pareho. When I’ve found out that he had to undergo a serious surgical operation, I’ve compromised with Him na kahit hindi na kami magkita basta ma-survive niya ung operation. Luckily he did, but as to this date, we still haven’t seen each other.
Then came Macky. A rich spoiled-brat kiddo. I was the one who taught him the value of hard-work. The value of earning his own money. At first, he’s complaining but I know he’d forever be grateful to me for that. But when he’ve encountered some family problems, he started neglecting me. Sabi niya, he’ll just fix things up & ako yung una niyang pupuntahan. Eventually, naayos. But I haven’t heard of him after.
The longest & first serious relationship I had was 4 years – with Renz. Sa kanya ko naranasan yung feeling na – I wanna take care of him all my life. Sa kanya ko din naranasan how it is to be pampered like a baby – maybe it has to do with our 11-year ge gap.
I’d stopped counting how may times he’ve proposed marriage & how many times I’ve rejected him. Andami ko pang dreams na gustong ipursue – ng single. But as we all knew, good things tend not to lasts…After 4 years of waiting, he asked me for the last time if I’m willing ba to spend our lives na magkasama - being a good daughter that I was – I said no….
Minsan, siya yung gusto kong sisihin for all my failed relationships after him. Lahat ng hinahanap ko dapat naka-pattern sa kanya. His age,intellect, his sense & maturity, his authority over me (matigas kasi ulo ko). Above all, his affection. The way he protects me from all the harshness of the world. Kaya siguro, antagal bago ako naka-recover.
Two years of struggle, I decided to give it a try with Gio. We gotta same age. Good-looking pero immature. Temperamental, moody & demanding. Hindi rin kami nagtagal. It only lasted seven months. He’s trying to reconcile with me, kaya lang I know that once a commitment-phobe will always be a commitment-phobe.
Then, Alvin. Sabi nila, you’d feel if he’s ‘the one’. I felt it with him. It was an instant attraction. Sobra kaming ok, magkasundo kami sa lahat ng bagay except my haircut, huh! Pinagtitiyagaan nyakong ihatid sa QC from his work sa Makati, then, uuwi sa kanila sa Laguna. He’d been very open to me sa mga girls who’ve been involved with him. He is 7 years older than me. We were really happy at the rate things are goin’ until I felt there’s something goin’ wrong. When I confronted him, he would always say – pagod lang dami kasing work, may problema lang sa house. Until I couldn’t take it anymore. I really tried to made him paamin what was goin’ on. To my surprise – he said ‘women….’
Kung ‘woman’ lang, baka kayanin ko pa. But when he said, it was plural, no way!
Sabi niya, babalikan nya’ko, aayusin niya lang – like what Macky have said. He won’t come back to me unless things were settled between his women & me.
We haven't reconciled but he still pays me ‘courtesy visit’. He still texts once in awhile…
Naka-mind set nakong mg-Christmas mag-isa last year when Ric started texting agin. Siya yung guy na madalas naming pag-awayan ni Alvin. He was super jealous with Ric nung kami pa. When in fact, he’s nothing but a close friend. He’s at Qatar, btw. He starts to fall for me kaya lang natakot ako..
How if it didn't worked? Sayang naman ung friendship.Ready na ba kami to move a step higher? Kaya ba naming dalawa ang pressures ng long distance relationship?
We both decided not to pursue it.
But just the same, it ruined our friendship. And none of us tries to communicate.
Naka-mind set nakong mg-Christmas mag-isa last year when Ric started texting agin. Siya yung guy na madalas naming pag-awayan ni Alvin. He was super jealous with Ric nung kami pa. When in fact, he’s nothing but a close friend. He’s at Qatar, btw. He starts to fall for me kaya lang natakot ako..
How if it didn't worked? Sayang naman ung friendship.Ready na ba kami to move a step higher? Kaya ba naming dalawa ang pressures ng long distance relationship?
We both decided not to pursue it.
But just the same, it ruined our friendship. And none of us tries to communicate.
Don't let yours end in failure.
I've got my chance but I blew it away.
Learn from them.
Let go of your past experiences.
Realize there's something good in store for you.
After the dust has settled, think more clearly & recognize the futulity of starting over again.
And now, it's time to move on...
Don't even ask: Ain't Love a Bitch?
"What do you get when you fall in love,
Nothing but lots of pain and sorrow;
So, for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never fall in love again."
-Here we go again.....
I've got my chance but I blew it away.
Learn from them.
Let go of your past experiences.
Realize there's something good in store for you.
After the dust has settled, think more clearly & recognize the futulity of starting over again.
And now, it's time to move on...
Don't even ask: Ain't Love a Bitch?
"What do you get when you fall in love,
Nothing but lots of pain and sorrow;
So, for at least until tomorrow,
I'll never fall in love again."
-Here we go again.....
-- And now that I'm trying to take chance on someone, sana hindi nyako pabayaan...
posted by fromthemindofpeaches @ 2:51 AM
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